Fellowship of the Dorks aka, FotD
by Houka-sama
Summary: What happens when you "flush" two seventh graders into Middle-Earth? Corny jokes, clinging, and absolute mayhem. First in the "The Author" trilogy.
1. Prologue

Fellowship of the Dorks (aka FotD)  
Prologue  
  
***  
  
It was the normal-est of normal days. In fact, it was so normal, that on this particular day, the insane author and her friends were, well..normal. And that wasn't normal. In fact, the normality of this normally normal day was making this particularly normal author sick to her normally normal stomach.  
  
But then this insane, albiet normal, author had a brilliant (or, as the case may be, extremely frightening) idea. She would transport herself and three of her abnormal friends into Middle Earth.  
  
Her Mission?  
  
Screw up Middle Earth indefinately.  
  
**************  
  
Chapter one is mucho better. =/ 


	2. Chapter I: We're falling? YAYYYY!, In wh...

FotD-Chapter one:  
We're Falling? YAYYYYY!!  
  
  
Another boring day at school. But this particular day wasn't normal. Oh, no, QUITE the contrary. You see, The Author, who had been mentioned previously, had finally put the finishing touches on her evil, sadistic, un-holy plan. If you do not know what this "plan" is...you, my friend, are a complete and total idiot.  
  
Just like The Author herself.  
  
It all started out at lunch. The Author could barely contain her excitement as she waited for a chance to go to...the bathroom. Hey, I told you she was an idiot.  
  
Anyway.   
  
***  
  
The Author cackled maniacally as her line was led to the lunch area, simply because she was so "excited". The girl in front of her turned around, giving her a weird look. The Author merely whistled, looking around innocently.  
  
  
"Nyehehehehehe." was all The Author said as she plopped down at her usual table. Moments later, an odd looking thing popped up next to her. It had black hair, and it was wearing a plaid dress with black stockings, and some cheap looking IZ rings.  
  
  
"TOAST!" It screeched, laughing oddly at The Author.  
  
  
"Glad you're showing faithfulness to Toast, Christina." The Author grinned. "Soooo....are you prepared?"  
  
It-Err, Christina, nodded.  
  
"Okie doke! Come with me!" The Author grabbed Christina's wrist and pulled her towards the Girl's bathroom.  
  
***  
  
"Erf...why the HELL do we have to use a freaking toilet?" Christina mumbled, flattening herself against the wall of the painfully small toilet stall. The Author snickered.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"BECAUSE." The Author snapped, placing her hand on the flusher. "Ready?"  
  
Christina squirmed. "I..guess."  
  
"Okay!" The Author pushed down on the flusher handle."Off to Middle Earth!"  
  
Water flooded the stall. Moments later, the water disappeared, and the two girls were nowhere to be found.  
  
***  
  
With a loud POP, Christina and The Author appeared in the sky somewhere above Hobbiton, soaking wet. They had only one moment to look at each other before they began to fall.  
  
And when that happened, one thing burst out of Christina's mouth:  
  
"YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"  
  
*************  
  
A/N: I get the feeling that this sucks. o-o Help. 


	3. Chap II: Sent by the Valar Sorta Kinda N...

FOTD-Chappy Numero Two-o  
Sent by the Valar. Sorta. Kinda. Not really.  
Part 2 of Fellowship of the Dorks, in which The Author and Christina make up an excuse, and The Author's "Five Golden Rules" are revealed, making life even less easier for Frodo.  
  
"YAYYYYY!"  
  
"EEGH!"  
  
"YAYYYY!"  
  
"EEGH!!!"  
  
"YA-"  
  
PLOP. Okay, more like THUD. Or PLUNK. Or...ah, screw it. Anyway you put it, The Author and her somewhat insane acquaintance, Christina, landed in Hobbiton with a random, loud noise. Which, for convenience, wasn't heard by anyone. Including you. Yeah, you didn't hear that.  
  
In any case, The Author jumped up (Talk about quick recovery...), and yanked Christina into a standing position. Christina peered around, then glared at The Author.  
  
"Why, why, WHY are we not in Rivendell?!"  
  
"Shh!" The Author hissed, narrowing her eyes at her friend. "Because, I wanna throw the entire plot off."  
  
"Tell me the truth," Christina snickered, "Part of the reason you..err..flushed..us here was so you could see Legolas."  
  
Even in the dark, she could see The Author smirk. Or try to, anyway. "Part." came the reply.  
  
"Follow."  
  
The Author grabbed Christina's hand, and they trudged up to Frodo's house. I mean, hole. Damn, hobbits are weird. The Author searched the hedges for Sam, and found him. He was crouched below the window, listening carefully.  
  
"Psst! Sam!"  
  
He jumped slightly, then looked around in surprise. Then he spotted them, eyes widening.  
  
"Who're you?" He almost remembered to lower his voice. Almost.  
  
And then he was pulled in through the window. Both girls snickered. After a couple of seconds, The Author walked up to the window, sticking her head in.  
  
"Yo! Hey! How bes mah favourite hobbit and the crusty old wiz-OW!" The Author said, moments before she was bonked on the head with the "crusty old wizard"'s staff.  
  
"Who are you, and where do you come from?!" Gandalf demanded. Okay, so he might've said something different. But you get the gist. The Author opened her mouth to reply, but Christina stuck her head in and answered for her.  
  
"We are Claire and Christina, and we were sent by the Valar!"  
  
The Author raised her eyebrows, surprised that Christina even had an idea of what the Valar were. Then she narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Not Claire! I'm The Author. Author. Author. Auuuuuuthor."  
  
Christina rolled her eyes. "Riiight."  
  
Gandalf raised his bushy, wirey, ugly, unkempt, grey (I can keep going..) old eyebrows. "Tell me, then, for what purpose would the Valar send two young females to Middle Earth?"  
  
"Don't question the actions of the almighty Valar!"  
  
The Author bopped Christina over the head, while the two hobbits and the wizard watched, confused and blinking.  
  
"We were sent to help Frodo on his little questy thingamabob." The Author said, glaring at her friend, whilst waving a hand at Frodo idly. Then, seeing the surprised looks on the canon characters' faces, she added: "Yup. We know he has the ring."  
  
And for a few minutes, there was silence.  
  
"Jeebus cribs, can we LEAVE yet?!" Christina said. Then, "Ah, err, I mean...The dark lord's servants draw ever closer, and if we do not flee now, we may be too late." Her eye twitched.  
  
The Author blinked, while Gandalf nodded, somewhat grudgingly.  
  
***********************  
  
"Why?" Christina muttered to herself with every step, glaring over at The Author. They had been traveling for quite a while now, and Christina, to say the least, was surprised. All the walking the characters in the movie did looked like no problem at all. But nooo, they just made it LOOK easy. It was, in reality, quite hard. And Christina didn't like it. Not one bit.  
  
And The Author was surprised as well. Not with the pain of walking; she expected that. No, it was the fact that Gandalf had let two strangers go with the ringbearer. It was kind of....weird.   
  
But she shrugged it off, and focused on annoying Frodo.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Wait...ARE we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we there now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"N-ah, yes."  
  
"Positive?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Positive positive?"  
  
"Yes!"   
  
"How do you know?" The Author and Christina cackled. Sam gave them a dirty look, and Frodo's eye twitched. Never before had he seen anyone so simply annoying. They continued walking.   
  
And while they were walking, the two girls were talking, and not paying attention to where they were walking. So, therefore, they walked straight into Sam.  
  
"OOF!"  
  
"This is it." Sam said.   
"Oh great," The Author muttered to Christina, "Here comes the cheesy script lines."  
"This is what?" Frodo turned, looking at Sam.  
"If I take one more step, it will be the farthest from home I've ever been."  
The Author sighed.  
"Come on, Sam. Remember what Bilbo used to say. It's a dangerous thing, Frodo, going out your door.You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you'll be swept off to."  
And for a moment, there was silence. Then..  
"In other words: move it, fat boy!" Christina growled, kicking Sam forward.  
***  
"Hey, ya know what, Frodo?"  
Frodo turned his head slightly towards The Author.  
"Hm?"  
"I think I just remembered something."  
Christina and Sam looked mildly surprised. The Author could think?!  
"And what would that be?" Frodo asked, seeming amused.  
"Have I told you my Five Golden Rules yet..?"  
Christina eeked. "Uh oh!"  
"Hmm..No, I do not believe you have."  
The Author grinned menacingly. Christina shrieked.  
"NO! Don't listen to her, Frodo! Those rules are evil! THOSE ARE THE RULES OF THE DEVIIIIIL!!!!!!" She screeched, her eyes wide. Frodo blinked.  
"Oh, please. YOU haven't even heard them yet."  
And with that, Christina quieted down, abrubtly. So...abruptly that it seemed weird. Well, it was weird.  
"Anyway. Back to the Rules. Rule Number One: You shall call me The Author. NOT Claire. Rule Number Two: If you break Rule Number One, you must call me Gdjdalikautyoparewatenimbababo, and say it correctly every time you address me. Rule Number Three: Do NOT mock me. I mock YOU, not vice-versa. Rule Number Four: Any violent tendencies towards me can and will be taken out on Christina. Rule Number Five: You, Frodo, shall convince everyone in Rivendell that we were sent by the Valar. If you fail to comply to any of these rules, uhm...STUFF will happen." The Author grinned with pride at her Rules.   
  
Frodo sighed. Why was it always him?  
******  
Blegh. e.e  
I'm gunna finish this chapter right here, right now. Because I feel like it.  
Thankoo to all who reviewed!  
Stay tuned for the next chapter, "Take a shower, dude."  
Also, sorry if this double posts, and sorry about the format.  
-Houka-sama =D 


End file.
